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| Don't be that guy. |
Imagine enjoying dinner with a friend, when she suddenly reaches under the table and hauls out a tombstone. (Not the pizza.) She holds the mossy granite slab high, and then brings it crashing down on the table, shattering tableware and your grip on reality in equal measure. After you get past your friend’s improbable strength, and come to grips with reality’s cartoonish new rules, you’d probably be a bit offended. Slamming a grave marker onto the table, mid-dinner, is rude.
This is essentially what you’re doing if you impale your rice bowl with your chopsticks while dining with someone from China or Japan. In some Asian countries, it is a common funeral practice to thrust incense into a bowl of rice vertically and place it before the deceased. So casually stowing your chopsticks in your rice vertically evokes the inevitable end of all life, and the sadness we feel at the passing of those we love. This might be the definition of a buzzkill.
Culturally-specific dining etiquette can seem trivial, considering how our own (American) dining etiquette has eroded in the last few decades. (No, I’m not old enough to have witnessed the decline, but I read sometimes—usually while eating alone and dripping my food onto the book. I’m popular with libraries.)
But realizing why certain table habits are taboo or frowned-upon in other cultures has advantages. Doing as they do in Rome conveys that you are a respectful cultural participant, and not an entitled ignorant tourist. In an increasingly homogenous world culture, observing local dining customs connects you to centuries of tradition; it may bring out joys of dining heretofore unrevealed to you. Most crucially, it elevates you among your companions, making you seem intelligent, well-traveled, and sensitive. (I’m trying to imply this, but I might as well spell it out: always, always take first dates to ethnic restaurants and observe the associated traditional dining customs meticulously, but don’t make a big production of it, so you don’t seem like you’re trying too hard.) Lastly, the wait staff and cooks at ethnic restaurants notice when people take care to respect their traditions. This applies whether you’re across the world or across town. People (and especially immigrants) in the foodservice industry may not always receive the respect they deserve, believe it or not. Demonstrating respect and knowledge of their culture is a great way to become an adored regular and seem really cool.
This post will be the first in a series exploring world dining etiquette. I'll cover every country in the world*, in order of population.
Let's take a look at some Chinese dining etiquette rules through the lens of cultural relativity:
Would you hold the door open for a teenager, only to let it close in an elderly lady’s face? When presenting a decoratively-prepared Chinese dish, you should place it “upright” before the oldest or most important guest. This presentation acknowledges their special place at the table, as does allowing them to begin eating first. Make sure that stuffed duck sculpted into the likeness of George Clooney (circa 1994) is properly oriented. (Clooney should be winking at your grandma.)
Would you interrupt Christmas dinner by shouting, “Alms for the poor!” and outstretching your hand to aunt Gladys? Try to prevent incidental percussive contact between your chopsticks and any bowls or glassware. In China, this is traditionally associated with begging for food on the street.
Would you cock your fist back at uncle Ted to compel him to pass the potatoes? No more should you use your chopstick as an indicator or pointer at the table. According to traditional Chinese dining etiquette, chopstick pointing seems accusatory and brash. Does that seem silly? Well, shaking hands, for instance, is an antiquated nonsense gesture that many people do every day without question. Chopsticks predate handshakes by about 1500 years, and Western civilization by a lot more. Chopstick rules may not be set in stone, but they originate from the time when people actually set rules in stone.
Would you ladle out a dripping handful of soup during a business lunch? No? Why, what’s the big deal? You’re the same person, eating the same food you would with a spoon. Obviously, your prospective business associates might consider such behavior indicative of deeper problems. Nor should you suck on the end of your chopsticks. It may seem arbitrary, but it’s rude. Just like that unfair soup rule.
Would you go to Paris and spend the entire time watching TV in your hotel room? Nor should you order chop suey. While this is obviously not rude, it just makes you look like the culinary dabbler that you are. If you have a taste for chop suey, I suppose I can’t stop you. (It’s pretty good. In fact, I really like it.) But it’s the Big Mac of Chinese cuisine. Chinese people poking fun at their fellow countrymen for losing touch with their roots tell them they are “going chop suey.” The noodle dish is barely over 100 years old, and was invented in America.
This should get you started. Once you’ve completed chopsticks etiquette training and Elder Respect 101, we’ll visit Chinese Food Customs 201, where you’ll learn how to properly announce the birth of your son using boiled red eggs.
*Every country that I feel like covering.
